What is disappointment? Everyone has at one time been a victim of disappointment. From the man waiting for his pizza in the Restaurant to the taxi driver waiting for his turn in the queue to the budding businessman receiving a letter of rejection from his bankers for his business proposal to the young lover whose romantics had just been rejected by his love one; Or to us, it could be an erring church member whose behaviour we regard as rebellious because we simply could not accept her person. Or as it happened to me, an employer whose ways I rebelled from. Friends, disappointments come in many forms and usually when they do come, they are there to trip us.

In fact, we face many disappointments in a single day so that even the Lord Jesus said that there is enough trouble in a day. We better focus on the present than keep on thinking of the future as if we can change the future with certainty. Disappointments happen to everyone whether they are professionals, schooled, unlearned, young or old, students, professors, pastors, congregation, employers and employees. We all face have to face disappointment in one way or another. We live in a world that has fallen short of its glory. People don’t stumble on rocks but on little stones that trip them over.

It is said that the only thing that distinguishes victors from remaining victims is their tenacity to hold on to hope in the face of dismal defeats in life. They keep on thinking that God knows better than us for his plans and purposes in life.

One plan may not work, one goal may not have been achieved but it is not the end of everything. Indeed in this life we long for comfort, we long for push button conveniences. We want to have everything that is good and desire to live comfortably…we almost work to death just to achieve these things because we want our comforts more than inconveniences. In my life, I have been disappointed many times, from the doctor whose service seems to take too long in taking care of my patient to waiting too long for my scholarship to arrive or for failing to understand the ways of others. Yes, in some point, I have even been disappointed at God. There were times when I thought that all things should go the way I planned them to and not on the way they happen in my life.

My friends, I did plan and do continue to plan because I have hope that God has better things for us. But as usual, there are really milestones in our lives when these crucial circumstances happen and put a dent on us. They can either make us bitter or make us better. You decide. I have resolved long time ago to believe the latter, that I should see things the way my Maker does.

To face disappointments boldly and effectively in life we need to define what is a disappointment? What are the types of disappointment in life that we have to face? And to know how we can effectively resolve each of these disappointments so that we don’t remain fixated on them. Disappointment is a temporary setback, it is an unavoidable circumstance that happens to both good and bad people alike whether Christian or non-Christian. It has the element of time as well as emotional response. It is therefore temporary and we may react to it with sadness, rage or joy.

The sun rises on both the roofs of the bad and the good because it is a common grace that God had provided. Some things do happen because they are intended to happen. We did not plan to see a world bombed by terrorists but they happened. Or to hear some Filipinos smuggling money out of the United Nations or to hear that our former president used to bribe Bishops with luxury cars and other conveniences. But they did happen and this disappointed us. They may not affect us completely because they happened to be far from us personally. Indeed there are different kinds of disappointments in this life and like it or not, they can impact us.

1.    Disappointment with people (personal or impersonal/ close or far)

Personal disappointments with people happen in realm of relationships. If you think about the people who most disappointed you from the time you were born to the time you are now here, you could think and count that there are many who did it, from the one closest to you down to your boss at your workplace. Yes you could have experienced a father who may have slapped you or spanked you hard in front of your neighbors when you were in grade 5 or your teacher whom you suspect to give favors to richer kids or simply to your boss who gives favour to his secretary more than you. Growing up from this, in college, you could think of a barkada or fraternity who posted a bad notice about you in public just to say it was a joke.

These people, we may have never forgiven. We may have been hiding bitterness at them; in fact the closer they are to us, the more painful the disappointment that we may feel. When Jesus spoke to Peter of his betrayal and the latter did not acknowledge the Lord that it would happen, he rejected the moment that grace could have been received. Jesus could have felt disappointed at that time with Peter but He trusted the Father, praying, “Father keep them from the evil one.” Indeed the Lord feels disappointments with us too! Think about the time when Adam and Eve failed. If you have a son and a daughter and you taught them to do right only to fail and do it wrong, even if it’s the first time, you would still feel disappointed. I do. When people again failed in the time of Noah, the Lord again spoke and said to Noah, “Your people has grown bad and evil, they have forgotten the Lord and I am sorry for making them.” (See Genesis 6:5-8)

I propose to you that this is a description of disappointment with people. And if the Lord becomes disappointed with people, how much more with us? Mere frail human beings? We do get disappointed from time to time, from the way we take our toothbrushes and place them in an orderly manner to how we arrange and fix our beds, people can be offended.

We can grieve each other by our unkind remarks. Leading people is the greatest task because they have different temperaments, backgrounds and approaches that work for them; some are talkative, others are withdrawn, others are sociable and some remain indifferent. Without understanding this, we can deliberately hurt people and yet remain ignorant of it.

This affects the way we communicate with them. Some are okay with rough joking words, some are okay with touchy words, but some are simply sensitive for any of these to work with them. We have to know them one by one because our God too is very personal. Everyone in the Lord’s flock is being trained and taught by Him but at different stages which the Lord may only know.

David wrote about his disappointment with a friend who turned against him, about his son who rebelled against him. I believe there is no greater disappointment, none more heart breaking in the eyes of a father than to see his own son rebel against him or to defile him. When David spoke to his generals to have mercy and spare the life of his son, it was his fatherly heart that spoke, “Please do not take the life of my son, because even though he rebelled, I love him very much.” Thus he wrote in Psalm 55: 12-14

For it is not an enemy who reproaches me; Then I could bear it. Nor is it one who hates me who has exalted himself against me; Then I could hide from him.

But it was you, a man my equal, My companion and my acquaintance.

We took sweet counsel together, And walked to the house of God in the throng. Psalms 55:12-14

Here we understand that David portrays a close person in his heart who became troublesome to him so that he even prayed that God would slit their tongues (v.9 Come down hard Lord- slit their tongues—the Message; Destroy, O Lord, and divide their tongues, For I have seen violence and strife in the city). The disappointment that we feel against a person only becomes more painful when these are people we look to with special eyes. For example, we can be easily irritated and disappointed at a boss who controls us, who don’t value us except for the business plan we can churn in. In another setting, we can be especially disappointed at our family members who did not attend our graduation, birthday party, anniversary or reunion. Or for us, we can be disappointed at church members who don’t come to our Bible study or worship time. Nevertheless, we all fail one another at some point in time. Our hope is to never give up hope on people and to keep hoping in God. Often, putting hope in man leads to bitterness when this anticipation of trust is not well met out by the other party.

2.    Disappointment with events or circumstances or memories (time related)

Some events can impact us and leave us wounded. For instance the Marcos declaration of Martial Law in September 21, 1972 have wounded and divided many Filipinos because of the greed for power and the vacuum of true leadership that it has created. Don’t get me wrong here. I interpret leadership not only as influence but also as character. The lack of real and lasting integrity in a leader can bring him shame but the fruit of integrity endears a leader to millions of people.

The outcome of events such as Presidential elections too can either disappoint us or make us happy with the result. Or the Supreme Court decisions on Hubert Webb, Hacienda Luisita, Marcos Burial and the Ampatuan trials have all the potentials to set us back. Disappointments with events can also happen when we are waiting for our train schedule to arrive on time as stated in our tickets. Many people can be heard speaking cuss words because their train, event sponsor, or event speaker did not arrive on time and gave the talk. Many were even more disappointed when the tired speaker did not really give a well-cooked message.

Sometimes when we look back, we also feel disappointed that instead of achieving more, we regret that we did not really run the race that God has called us and settled for a second best. I think many Christians would be either surprised when they get to heaven because God awards them medals of valor and excellence for their life well lived out and for some who will be welcomed but won’t receive any of these merits. When I was in Elementary and High School, I did not have any other choice than to run my race well and to achieve honor roll because that was what I thought is good for a student—be excellent.

Now that I am married and have children, being excellent in the home, in office and in ministry are multiple roles that I have my whole life to learn in becoming so. Only my wife who is my closest companion and the Lord who is my master actually knows how I am doing well. I could not buy her out with an ice cream and say, please give me an A+, I did the laundry today and hang with the kids in the playground. Instead of simply being defined as excellent in the school, I am now in the business of putting that definition in real situations that I encounter in my own life so that I could run my race well.

Events, though less personal carries with it the sting of the past when these did not really passed well, and unless redeemed, they remain so even through time. Take for example the decision of some countries to allow abortion and divorce as legal judicial elements of the society. Most of these countries have the highest rates of abortion every year and divorce has become embedded in their culture for as short as ten years.

Children have no hope to look forward to having united parents and most of them have difficulties concentrating in their schools or later in their jobs or standing as parents themselves. They have been afflicted by dysfunctional relationships. A mother who decides to leave his country in search of greener pastures must come to terms and prepare for the worst.

Both husband, children and mother has to face loneliness and battle homesickness for the sake of mammon. Although I am here before you all, some with mothers and children in the Philippines, I propose to you today that if you plan to stay longer than a year, a decade or so, plan your going abroad well with the view to bring your family with you and be reunited together. In the short term, going abroad is good for material benefits but children don’t understand that easily. They are raised up by dummy mothers.

Putting your children in the hands of pseudo-mothers and nurturers will have long-term repercussions especially when these were left young. They don’t develop into balanced characters even if we put an ice-cream coat of saying we are heroes for the Republic because of the money we send home.

Then we wonder why junior got his girl-friend pregnant even when he is still a teen-ager and why our husbands left alone in the Philippines are having sex outside our marriage bed. Events do happen because these are consequences of our decisions. Some choices have to be made. A pastor friend for example had to leave his pulpit and say bye bye to the chagrin of his church members because his wife had to do a PhD for the sake of their young family.

It is because he thought the grass is greener in the US. We all have to make decisions for the sake of our family, church members or our relationship with God. Then we have to face the consequences of those decisions. My brother who got entangled and felt being seduced by a sexy co-worker had to resign his post in a bank so that he could live his Christian life free and with integrity but has to grapple with joblessness for a time.

3.    Disappointments with the course of nature (climate/geography)

I believe that everyone is disappointed with a tornado striking Germany or an earthquake happening at Bonn. In fact, I had been disappointed to know that in the western hemisphere, rains are frequent during summers! Or to know also that New Zealand is very prone to earthquake because I planned to study there for a time before. But when it happened, it happened and nature has to take its course. Every year we face typhoons in the Philippines that can destroy up to 27 billion pesos worth of crops, infrastructure and cities.

But these are realities and they happen every year. However, because we insist in living in an ideal world, we fail to take into consideration that nature can disappoint us. We only wake to it when the plague, disease, earthquake or tornado has already hit us that we think we really have learned it is real. As Solomon had said, the naïve looks at events/danger and do not hide but the wise sees and takes refuge. We need to take precautions, when it is summer we need to wear the umbrella and thin clothes so as not to suffocate. But during winter or cold times, we need to take proper protection and use booths and thick jackets. Our lack of interest in learning about simple precautions can cost us our lives. If you live in a tornado wrack area, better invest in a tornado-proofed room or basement.

4.    Disappointments with the divine (prophecy) 

Sometimes there are Christians who also tend to blame the Almighty for the wrong things that happen in their lives. Job’s wife told his husband to curse God and die but the wise and venerable bard simply said, why not take from God whether good or evil? Why not allow these circumstances to pass and simply continue to praise God? His wisdom had saved me from a lot of headaches. We feel disappointed at God because we tend to ask in the wrong direction and when this does not come to pass, we blame our Father.

This is the same with a little child who asks for chocolate everyday even though he knows his father will not grant him because it is detrimental to his health. And who could forget the prophet Jonah who was so angry at God because his prophecy did not come to pass? He wants to destroy all the people of Nineveh and he wants to guard his reputation of being a prophet at the expense of saving people’s lives.

God does not want to destroy people; He created us with the goal that we would be pleasing to Him. However because of our hard hearts, we tend to listen only when God grabs our attention by the circumstances he brought us. One old lady for example had found herself surrounded by a flood of waters that are rising fast. First it was just ankle deep, and the radio beeped, “A rushing wall of water has just broken through the dike.” Instead of listening more, she turned off the radio then begun to pray, Lord I thank you that you will stop this flood and that you will save me from this disaster.

Then a neighbour dropped by and asked if she’s interested to go to a higher place with her because of the flood warning. She said, the “Lord will stop the flood and will save me.” Impossible, said her neighbour then dropped out of sight. Then the Coast Guard stop by at her house to evacuate her because by this time the water has risen at her window. She ignored the calls of the Coast Guard and went on the roof top and prayed still. Feeling disappointed that God did not answer her prayers, she persisted.

By this time, the floods were on the roof too by she was clinging to the tiles on her roof and the chopper of the Coast Guard dropped a rope ladder to her but she insisted that God will save her. In heaven, when she opened her eyes, she asked the Lord what happened. She was surprised that the Lord told her, I gave you a radio, a good neighbour and a very good coast guard but you all turned them away. Sometimes we get disappointed at God because He does not answer the way we want Him to. There are people who want to control God.

They pick up some truths but dislike the others. They fail to understand that to be a Christian simply means taking the yoke of Christ and no other---that is obeying Him and not their own self-prescribed desires alone. In one way or another we all come to a season of troubles and crises. Facing them without disappointments or learning to cope out of disappointments will ensure our success to evolve and grow as mature Christians.

Conclusion

We can be disappointed with people, events, places, circumstances and even with God and turn a stony heart. Yes one can stop loving them because they hurt us. But the balm of healing our disappointments is to see things, people, events and circumstances in a proper perspective. The job you did not get may well be due to a scholarship that is incoming by next year, the work you did not get may have been intended for a more needy person than you are. God knows us, even the number of our hairs so we can trust in the good Lord who takes care of the birds and the lilies of the field. He comforts us and says, do not worry.

I will take care of it, just keep believing. Friends, the good thing about disappointments is that whatever type it is, God can carry it for us. God can remove our disappointments at circumstances when we place them in His almighty hands. Every time we face disappointment, let us look above and thank God for the circumstance, people or events that tried to trip us. Peter consoles us and tells to give our worries and cares to the Lord because He can take care of them. Who could have thought that all the injustice and disappointments in the life of Joseph have been allowed by God to test his character and in the end to give him a crown of authority? Or of Jacob who have been a deceiver and who was deceived himself but in the end was used by God to build a nation out of his 12 sons?

Or of Job whose latter end was more blessed because he remained steadfast. Disappointments are not intended to make us fall, but when you fall, I am making known to you that God is there to help us and raise us up. As James said, “when trials come be steadfast my friends and remain firm in the faith, persevere in trials” (See James 1:3-4, my paraphrase) And Peter similarly adds, “I know the pain you feel and this makes you feel sad but these trials when approached in a proper perspective, in faith, will only bring out the gold in you. Sufferings may not bring joy but they strengthen your faith which is our victory in Christ. Because you keep on believing you will see victory and deliverance” (See 1 Peter 1:6-9, my paraphrase)

There is no simple formula, but I know that for each one of us here, God intends that what He has begun in us, He will bring to completion. Kung anung sinimulan niya, tatapusin niya. We are not perfect, we still trip up, stumble and may at times cause even our brethren to stumble because of our immaturity. Because we know this, we should also learn to extend the same grace that God gives us every day to those who disappointed us, to the times and seasons which we cannot bring back or people whom we have hurt because of petty circumstances.

There are many troubles in this life, today your best friend can be the best person you have, but tomorrow she can turn to an ugly beast. Your own daughter can be trusted now, but she can also fail. What is the point my brothers? There is no one in this world who has not been disappointed at one time or another at a person, place or thing. But every one of these bad circumstances, God puts a silver lining in them. Indeed we have a great Dad in God who helps us in our weaknesses.

And if we have been bitter at circumstances, people or events, let us release those events, release those people in our memory and ask the Lord, our Redeemer to help us redeem our mistakes, to give us wisdom how to deal with them and strengthen us. The more we are able to do this to others, the more He will grant us the grace to overcome every trial and disappointment. Max Lucado writes “We live beneath the protective palm of a sovereign King who superintends every circumstance of our lives and delights in doing us good. Nothing comes your way that has not first passed through the filter of his love.” And I quote Isaiah

But now, thus says the Lord, who created you, O Jacob, And He who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you. Isaiah 43:1-2

But now, God’s Message, the God who made you in the first place, Jacob, the One who got you started, Israel: “Don’t be afraid, I’ve redeemed you. I’ve called your name. You’re mine.

When you’re in over your head, I’ll be there with you. When you’re in rough waters, you will not go down. When you’re between a rock and a hard place, it won’t be a dead end— Isaiah 43:1-2 (TMSG)

Summary

1. Accept defeats, failures and disappointments with people, events or circumstances as natural part of life, as drinking water or breathing oxygen. The sooner we accept these things, the better we can cope up with that they do happen whether intended or not.

2. Apply solutions to the events or circumstances as fitting that event. Don’t over think or overdo, just think what you can do now and pray about it.

3. Admit that you can fail, in fact the failure to forgive people is also a failure to trust the Lord’s goodness during trying times. Admitting enables us to be presented with help

4. Every disappointment can be turned into victory when we learn to trust God, have confidence in ourselves that we can go out victorious from this bad situation. Faith is essential if we are to win this battle.

5. Don’t forget the help offered by your friend or neighbor, don’t fight alone if you can bring a team. If you can muster the help of others, it is so much the better. But don’t feel bad when others don't come to your side. It is a part of life that some have to say no also.