“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.  It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.  Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

Love displays action. This is the meaning of charity, love in action. Forgiving others is not really a complicated matter when we decide in our hearts to release them of their debts. Forgiving is not a matter of the mind, it involves the emotion. When we forgive others, this should involve changing the way we think of the other person. When we do this, we give them the grace to start all over again. This is the meaning of forgiveness, to give others a clean slate to start with and to fix their lives and relationships. It is changing the way we think about the person. Do you think Paul easily overcome his struggles about those whom he persecuted before? To see orphaned children and those who became fatherless as a result of his persecution must have been heart breaking for him. But he learned to forgive himself as Jesus has forgiven him already. Even so he has to live with the consequences of his actions before, so from his mighty pen, we have as he wrote,

“Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself.  Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us. Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death?  (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”) No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.” (Romans 8:33-37)

To those who were forgiven, it is learning to forgive themselves that they need to also learn. Sometimes we forgive others but we do not forgive ourselves and we keep on yoking ourselves with the past. It becomes a heavy burden that weighs us down even in our present relationships. The love of God as Paul describes here is one that is like a net, open, and continually keeping us in fellowship with Him. To keep this love abounding in the present, we should keep the past away forgive others and forgive ourselves. In this chapter let us continue our discussion concerning how we can overcome the evils that come with unforgiving spirit.

"Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." (Ephesians 4:31-32)

1. Be kind to one another

Kindness is one of the fruit of the Holy Spirit. It is defined as being affectionate in love. It is a kind heart that gives and expects nothing in return. The Father showed us this kind of love when He gave this example, Yet God, with undeserved kindness, declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins (Romans 3:24). He sacrificed His own Son so that we will be saved and adopted as part of His family. This is a basic Christian virtue that we need to cultivate in our lives, to be kind hearted. In Charles Dickens, Oliver Twist, his own grandfather did not know that he has already found Oliver when he took home the child who was accused in court for pickpocket. Like the grandfather in this story, the Father took us all home to be with His family when we received Jesus. We became clothed as if His own Son. He lavished to us all that are for His own family because Jesus died for us. We need to really care for one another as we are really of one family.

When we learn to care for others, we are touching lives for eternity. Sometimes caring has become synonymous for the word social care of the government. Even if the government do this, the impact of a single soul who provides for others, who cares for their needs, shelter and clothing is still greater because of the personal touch it renders. When we are not as endowed as others in giving, we can still do it by way of praying for those who can do, that they will do it in the right spirit and that God’s love will abound more and more through them and their ministries. We must become our brother’s keeper. When John J. Lake was doing his apostolic works in Africa during the early turn of the 20th century, his front door would often times be filled with people who needs healing. He would not turn away anyone. Even when coming from the stores for groceries and a widow or a woman with a child in need begs from him, he would give even that was supposed to be for their family consumption. His heart breaks at the sight of those who were sick and those who were in need so that he prays for them with such fervency and compassion that heaven’s healing touch is released through him. It is our service to God that when we see our brother in need, we do not turn them away empty handed. If they need garment, we should provide them. If they need water, we should give them and if they need our time, we should set aside for them. Jesus did. He had compassion on us so that He came down from heaven to be our Savior, Master, Shepherd, Refuge and our Healer.

2. Tender hearted

How do we keep a heart that is tender? To be tenderhearted means to be teachable and easily guided. We can keep this kind of heart by following what the Lord tells us in our lives. When Josiah became a king, his heart was said to be tender and easily entreated. This happened as when the carpenters and builders were busy cleaning the temple of the Lord, Hilkiah the high priest found the book of the law and then asked Shaphan the scribe to bring it to King Josiah. When Shaphan read the book of the Law, Josiah rent his clothes in tears and despair saying,

“Go, inquire of the Lord for me and the people and all Judah concerning the words of this book that has been found, for great is the wrath of the Lord that burns against us, because our fathers have not listened to the words of this book, to do according to all that is written concerning us." (2 Kings 22:13)

If Josiah has had a hard heart, even the reading of the book of the Lord could have been simply a brass to him, but because he believes in the Lord and he is a doer of the Word of God, the words of the Scriptures immediately have their impact to him. When they consulted Huldah the prophetess, the Lord said this to King Josiah,

“But to the king of Judah who sent you to inquire of the Lord thus shall you say to him, 'Thus says the Lord God of Israel," Regarding the words which you have heard, because your heart was tender and you humbled yourself before the Lord when you heard what I spoke against this place and against its inhabitants that they should become a desolation and a curse, and you have torn your clothes and wept before Me, I truly have heard you, "declares the Lord.” (2 Kings 22:18-19)

There are many among us who have hardened their hearts because of continual living in disobedience. They take lightly what their salvation means. They put a low value to what was the blood of their purchased redemption. This must not be. If we truly know our treasures and understand its value, we will strive to guard and to keep it well because it is the best that we have. Rice can be a hard seed. But when this is boiled with water and cooked for some time, then it comes out delicious and ready to be eaten.

Our hearts is like that rice. It needs to be soaked and boiled in the water of the Word of God. God’s word is like hammer and fire that can refine us and line us in the everlasting path. We must beware however that we should read to renew our minds and hearts, in order to obey and love God more and not to have a vain knowledge of the Scriptures. One can memorize the Scriptures but if we do not have heart, that becomes vain. We become talkers but not doers (James 1:23). More than understanding, our call is to act that which we understand to be right as this can be taught by the Anointing of God in the believers’ life (1 John 2:27). We know this is the right path if we keep in our hearts to seek the will of God in everything we do. God’s will is sovereign but we need to line ours to His and that lining requires our nod, our yes to Him because God will not force His will to us if we don’t. Our goal is not to transform others as much as that we become conformed to His image. David’s prayers should be part of our prayers too if we are serious in this matter.


“How can a young man keep his way pure?
By keeping it according to Thy word.
With all my heart I have sought Thee;
Do not let me wander from Thy commandments.
Thy word I have treasured in my heart,
That I may not sin against Thee." (Psalm 119:9-11)


“Thou hast dealt well with Thy servant,
O Lord, according to Thy word.
Teach me good discernment and knowledge,
For I believe in Thy commandments.
Before I was afflicted I went astray,
But now I keep Thy word.
Thou art good and doest good;
Teach me Thy statutes.
The arrogant have forged a lie against me;
With all my heart I will observe Thy precepts.
Their heart is covered with fat,
But I delight in Thy law.
 It is good for me that I was afflicted,
That I may learn Thy statutes.
The law of Thy mouth is better to me
Than thousands of gold and silver pieces.
(Psalm 119:65-72)


"Blessed is the man whom Thou dost chasten, O Lord, and dost teach out of Thy law; That Thou mayest grant him relief from the days of adversity, until a pit is dug for the wicked.
For the Lord will not abandon His people, nor will He forsake His inheritance.
For judgment will again be righteous; And all the upright in heart will follow it.” (Psalms 94:12-15)

It is only when we hide from the Word of God, or when we hide the Word of God to others that the light that we have is snuff out. Light is supposed to be brought out, to shine the paths lest many will not see obstacles in their way and they stumble and fall. When we do not open our lights, when we hide the Word of God, this is likened to putting your light under the table. Thus, ultimately, to be tenderhearted means to obey the Lord. Just as Josiah did not hide the book of the Law even if the denunciations of the Lord for their sins was great, we do not run away from Him and hide for some time, waiting for everything to be fixed by time. It won’t work that way.

If we cherish sins in our hearts, if we are living in sin, we should ask forgiveness and repent of those wrongs. No matter how many reasons you have to justify your sins, in the end, you lose all if you continue to try to keep carrying it yourself. Those who play around this area will find that little by little their compromises will eat away the life that is found in them. Many pilgrims have died because of compromises. The path to Mount Zion does not have compromises; there is only one absolute Way and no matter how many justifications man may bring to their philosophies, hurts, religions or creeds, there is no compromise on the Word of God. His will be done!

3. Forgiving one another

How can we forgive just as God through Christ has forgiven us? When we get rid of bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words and when we cultivate kindness and tender hearts we become as easily forgiving as Christ Jesus did to us. He did not have any bitterness, rage or even anger at those who tortured and killed Him, instead He forgave them and forgave us all in the process of laying down His life on the cross. This kind of forgiving is what the Lord seeks from us that we may learn to forgive even our fellows who can easily irritate, mock or make fun of us.

“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from the wrath of God through Him. For if while we were enemies, we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life. And not only this, but we also exult in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received the reconciliation.” (Romans 5:8-11)


“Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.” (Colossians 3:13-14)

When I realized that Jesus has forgiven me even though I was a great sinner, this empowered me to forgive others in the same way. There was one instance in my life when I was in despair that there was just so much evil thoughts afflicting me that the Lord somehow intervened and showed me a picture of the cross in my mind. You can see darkness all around, His body was battered, blood soaked and dripping from all His wounds. Jesus was wounded, crushed for my sake and yours. If there was someone who received unfair trial, Jesus more; if there was someone who received more wounds, pain and torture Jesus more. His body was mangled as the powers of darkness tried to inflict every excruciating pain and anguish they can on Him. Yet not one retaliatory word from the mouth of Him who made us ever awaited by the people who cried His blood be on us and our children. This should be our comfort when we are facing trials, Jesus carried the worlds’ sin but we are only carrying our personal trials, yet He never brought reviling for reviling but instead good for every evil. We should be comforted even more for it is written,

“fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you may not grow weary and lose heart.

You have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood in your striving against sin; and you have forgotten the exhortation which is addressed to you as sons, "My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
Nor faint when you are reproved by Him; For those whom the Lord loves He disciplines,
And He scourges every son whom He receives." (Hebrews 12:2-6)