We can offend God. Have we ever thought about this? Many thinks that God must be very formal, strict and disciplinarian, but they miss the whole point of this, that God has the face of a lamb also, He grieves. He has an emotion just like us. He feels joy (Neh 8:10; Matt 25:21). It is a wrong theology to think that if we worship God we must only worship Him by being silent and formal, by not using cymbals, drums and the synthesizer and other instruments. They probably got this idea from the way they look at the stern Law of Moses but then it is still wrong. God does have an emotion and we see that in Christ and in the Holy Ghost who brings about the expressions of Heaven on earth, the Lord grieves when we sin against Him and He rejoices with us in our victories and in our praise and worship. The gifts of God are His expressions of love to His children. Even the much maligned gift of tongues and baptism of the Holy Spirit is still the gift of the Lord to His children. They are for His children, not as toys but as tools for Kingdom living. Let us get grounded on how to deal with fruits of unforgiving spirit.

1. Get rid

When the Bible says we must get rid of something, we really need to get rid it ourselves. Inside our bodies are cells. Each living organisms are made of cells, others could be unicellular or multicellular but these single units of cells that composes our bodies function as one to create an integral function in our bodies. Within these cells are several organelles or smaller structural parts that have their own functions.

One of which is called lysosome. A lysosome is used to digest unwanted materials in the cell. Without the lysosome, waste materials can build up inside the cell suffocating the entire cell unit. When one cell is affected this is not a problem, but when thousands of cells are affected and becomes a problem, even the body can feel this problem and it can become affected. This parallels our lives as Christians, when we don’t get rid of a waste or sin individually, we will not only accumulate it but we risk infecting others by defiling them with us. It does not take long to poison others by just spreading the wrong news or speaking evil about the pastor. So David prayed, “Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean wash me and I will be whiter than snow” (Ps 51:7). He asked the Lord’s help when afterwards he came to his senses, that he committed an evil act before the Lord. He called on God. The first thing we do when getting rid of garbage in our lives is we pray and call on God to purify our hearts. We call on God to strengthen us to forgive and release our bitterness. Peter writes, “Give all your care to Him for He cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7).

2. Bitterness

Bitterness is like wishing others to drink the same poison which you have already gobbled up. People who are bitter always try to embitter others by influencing their thought life. A friend of mine who got a bitter spirit over a criticism of another coworker tried to get me to take sides over the dispute that was started by another. I flatly refused. Bitterness, rage and anger as well as clamor and evil speaking could overlap with each other and make a mighty inroad of the devil in one’s life. We can read daily newspapers and view online broadcasts how many people are hurt and embittered by a remark of another person. Some prey on such situations and broadcast them in broad daylight. Sometimes even the loads of daily living can become so heavy and could embitter the soul of a person. They despair of life and curse the day they were born. Job who was a noble soul also suffered from such terrible anguish that he spoke, “I will complain in the bitterness of my soul” (Job 7:11).

Ours is a higher calling. Every obstacle and burden, God called us to see opportunity. When we are not walking in the eyes of faith, we will only see darkness…we will complain of bitterness like Job did. But once we breath and take in faith in the very presence of God, His grace turns around our cloudy thinking and like the angels that surrounds the throne of God we will cry out continually, the earth is full of God’s glory. When we look through the eyes of faith we will see every trial as opportunity to bring glory to God. No hurdles will be too high to jump.

A jumper calculates beforehand the moment that he needs to leap off the ground so that he can land safely and in the right distance. We overcome bitterness in the same way. We simply jump over them by faith. Instead of relishing the anger or the hurt, we forego of them because there is a better thing to ponder about and use our energy for more productive purposes. Dubious acts are not forgotten by God and those who bring trouble will receive their own ends. David simply releases them to the Lord, he prays,

“For the wicked boasts of his heart's desire,
And the greedy man curses and spurns the Lord.
The wicked, in the haughtiness of his countenance, does not seek Him.
All his thoughts are, "There is no God." ...

Why has the wicked spurned God?
He has said to himself, "Thou wilt not require it."
Thou hast seen it, for Thou hast beheld mischief and vexation to take it into Thy hand.
The unfortunate commits himself to Thee;
Thou hast been the helper of the orphan.
Break the arm of the wicked and the evildoer,
Seek out his wickedness until Thou dost find none." (Psalms 10:3-4, 13-15)

Trials of life should not embitter us. It should temper our strength and resolution to be Christlike. A silversmith will not stop refining silver until he sees his own image cast in the molten silver. Jesus is doing the same, “And He shall sit as a Refiner and Purifier of silver and He shall purify the sons of Levi, and purge them…” (Malachi 3:3).

3. Rage

The word rage comes from the word rabies of which we derived the word rabid or violent. It means a violent and uncontrolled wrath. A rabid dog is one infected with a rabies virus. It travels through the nervous system until such time that it reaches the brain of the infected animal. It seems harmless until it shows the symptoms. It can bite other animals and even its master which then is the means by which the virus is transmitted. Bitterness in like manner can lodge deep into the heart of man for a long time and when it blows up, it becomes rage. He can become totally controlled by his own rage so that he can do cold blood murder even without the wink of conscience or guilt. People in rage are dangerous because they can fling anything in their hands. This was how the missionaries who went to convert the Auca Indians died. The Indians were in rage so that they went to do a killing spree.

When Herod was in rage because the wise men did not return to him, he killed the little boys and babies of Bethlehem. But we must not fear when we find ourselves in the midst of conflict, for we have a greater power, He who is in you is greater than he who is in this world (1 John 4:4). We do not fight others fist by fist but we even turn the other cheek in, we overcome our enemies by doing good to them. We bless them instead of persecuting them. We pray that God will enlighten their eyes so that they will see the reality. We make a breakthrough by confronting them in prayer. If the prayer ministry of John the Baptist brought violence to the heavenlies, the least in the Kingdom of Heaven can do more because Jesus Christ has really prepared His heavenly armies to work with us. This is what it means when the Lord confirms the work of our hands, “And they went out and preached everywhere, the Lord working with them and confirming the word through the accompanying signs. Amen” (Mark 16:20 NKJV).

4. Anger

“This you know, my beloved brethren. But let everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God."(James 1:19-20)

There is a difference between a consistent and patterned anger from that of anger coming from stress or overwork. We ought to be able to control our spirit and not vent off our anger to others even our household. Anger is still sin, just as bitterness and rage which needs to be overcome with in our lives. We must overcome anger if we want to be leaders and followers of Christ. Solomon says, “Do not hasten in your spirit to be angry, for anger rests in the bosom of fools” (Ecclesiastes 7:9 NKJV). A wise person will stop from being angry or otherwise his anger will spawn out other evils. What brings in dissension to many meetings is not only confusion but even anger of one person who wanted to be recognized for his opinion. Anger will never bring about the fruit we are seeking; righteousness is only sown in peace by those who seek peace. If we are truly called by God to do His bidding, we will never be in want of opportunities to do His will even if other people try to block us. The Lord is in control and our anger will never bring about true righteousness. Even if we know we are in the right position, it is never our call to assert our righteousness. When we do, we justify ourselves and keep our Advocate, Jesus the Righteous outside the court. We become helpless then because we rejected Him as our lawyer. Christianity is not only every Sunday matter. It matters all day every single day. And in the whole span of the day, Jesus Christ is still our Righteousness, our Advocate before the Father in all matters. When we apply this truth, we will never feel so free of our vain conceited righteousness.

I have worked as a research assistant for some years in several government offices and in one of them I had a boss I will never forget, he was the epitome of the word gentleness in every manner I have observed him. Whether he was jogging with his wife or working with us in the boat or in the lab, I found him consistent of this one character, gentle to the core of his heart. When I asked his researchers about his manners or when there arose any situations that merit him to be angry, they said none.

I thought about it how this gentleman attained such peace and gentleness in the way he do things. As I pondered, the Lord brought me this scripture, “A fool gives full vent to anger but a wise person quietly holds it back” (Prov 29:11). This gentle disposition comes only by means of abiding with the Lord, for when we abide, then we shall bear fruit of the Holy Spirit. This cannot be faked for trials of life will show it. The aroma of the knowledge of Christ on the Christians lips abounds even in the midst of his sufferings. Like the thorns of a rose which abrades the flower and releases the fragrance in the air, so do trials in this life to a Christian. We must therefore learn to control our temper if we are predisposed to a violent disposition.

“The wise are known for their understanding, and pleasant words are persuasive.” (Proverbs 16:21)

“Better to be patient than powerful; better to have self-control than to conquer a city.” (Proverbs 16:32)

“But if you are always biting and devouring one another, watch out! Beware of destroying one another.” (Galatians 5:15)

5. Harsh words

“Scoundrels create trouble; their words are a destructive blaze.” (Proverbs 16:27)

Harsh words can tear down friendships, it can hurt others and even separate families. Have you heard foul words from the mouth of others? Or have you heard your parent speak scathing denunciations because of your decision to obey God’s call in your life? Harsh words hurt people. They are like arrows not just sharpened through the fire but brushed with poisons. The word scoundrel is synonymous with the word rascal. Rascal fellows do not have the wisdom or consideration for others. He will just vent off and puff off altogether base and demeaning words to others. Such fellows almost always find themselves in tavern brawls as well as noxious fights. None of us could keep clean mouths except by the grace of God. I could always say bad words to other people especially when I am very angry at them. But when I was born again, I fell convicted if even one bad word slips from my tongue. We are admonished that harsh words could separate friends and good mouth could nourish relationships.

“Fools’ words get them into constant quarrels; they are asking for a beating.” Proverbs 18:6

“The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” Proverbs 18:21

“Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will bless you for it.  For the Scriptures say,  “If you want to enjoy life and see many happy days, keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies. Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it.” 1 Peter 3:9-11

That means, a fool only invites violence because he could not control his tongue. A fool’s mouth is his destruction (Proverbs 18:7), a fitting end for people who have not learned to control their mouths. One of the great things the Lord taught me is to learn to love life and enjoy what He has given us. When we enter into some forms of contention, we must be reminded of not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing.  For “He who would love life And see good days, Let him refrain his tongue from evil, And his lips from speaking deceit” (1 Peter 3:9-10 NKJV). The good days mentioned here means having continual peaceful days, free from dissensions and sullen moods.

We cannot learn to overcome bigger problems if we do not know how to take care of the smaller ones first. Controlling our tongue should be a priority list for many of us. Cutting remarks should be bygones in our mouths when we become born again otherwise it shows really what is inside us. Our tongue must bring healing and not a tool of destruction. It should be used to bring glory to God, to sing praises unto His name and preach the Good News to others. Our tongue is likened to a well which should bring about pure waters and not a mixture of pure and bitter water. Though it is full of cursing, fire and a world of iniquity, yet the tongue can only be put into control when one has a clean heart. This clean heart comes from the Lord. It comes when we renew our minds according to His Word. This is the only way to keep it pure (see Ps 119:9-12).

“People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish, but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison. Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God.

And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right! Does a spring of water bubble out with both fresh water and bitter water?

Does a fig tree produce olives, or a grapevine produce figs? No, and you can’t draw fresh water from a salty spring.” (James 3:7-12)

6. Slander

One of the most accurate descriptions of the works of the enemy among Christians is to be their accuser (Rev. 12:10). At first, it was hard for me to imagine how the enemy can accuse us continually before the throne of God. But the key to this verse is that Satan can in fact accuse us before the throne of God through another Christian. When we pray before God and lift others up to Him, we intercede, but when we are used to doing dirty tricks like back biting and spreading false rumors, we become tools of the devil in accusing our Brethren. In Job, his friends accused him instantly that his sufferings were caused by his sins. In contrast, Job was not suffering because of his sins but because he was righteous and God tested him. Satan was allowed to come and test Job’s faith. We see this working of the enemy even when he asked from Jesus to sift Peter during the eve of His crucifixion.

The enemy delights in distorting that what is true and many Christians are unaware that they are sometimes being used to accuse another brother or sister. To slander means to malign, to accuse with false reports. Some people even in the days of John the Baptist were actually employed to catch words from his mouth and destroy him. When a false rumor is set for a leader, we should never participate in it even if this looks harmless for now or otherwise even our perceptions of the leader become darkened.

This is how slander can defile others, it works by bringing early presumptuous judgment on the character of the person even without hearing his defense first. When we do this, we have set ourselves for a fall. We become judges which the Scriptures say is not our office but that the rightful holder is only the Lord. Even Paul considers only any report of eyewitness accounts by at least two or more members of the congregation.

“Don’t speak evil against each other, dear brothers and sisters. If you criticize and judge each other, then you are criticizing and judging God’s law. But your job is to obey the law, not to judge whether it applies to you. God alone, who gave the law, is the Judge. He alone has the power to save or to destroy. So what right do you have to judge your neighbor?” (James 4:11-12)

“Do not listen to an accusation against an elder unless it is confirmed by two or three witnesses.

Those who sin should be reprimanded in front of the whole church; this will serve as a strong warning to others.” (1 Timothy 5:19-20)

Slandering others is more than laughing at their backs but it also means with the intent to destroy them whether they have ministries or not. One does not need to become an accomplice of this evil by simply telling to those who spread the rumor to go and face the person themselves. Sometimes we simply misunderstand what others say to us or we take it seriously even out of context. We need to give grace and mercy to others. A person who learns to overlook the misdeeds of others gains more friends than he who often points the wrong of others.

The caribou reindeers have a peculiar manner of defense which we need to learn. In natural foraging areas, they fight for territories which they graze on sometimes they fight with each other to protect these grazing lots. But when predators come, they form a circle and protect their young inside. They do not allow breaches. Likewise when we all learn to abide and love together as one people of God, we will not have breached walls where the accuser can come to overcome us. The gates of hell in our midst will be shut and there will be focus to do the works of the Lord. This is the work of those called to be repairers of the breach mentioned in Isaiah 58:12.

“The godly speak words that are helpful, but the wicked speak only what is corrupt.” (Proverbs 10:32)

“With his mouth the godless man destroys his neighbor, but through knowledge the righteous will be delivered.” (Proverbs 11:9)

“A gossip goes around telling secrets, but those who are trustworthy can keep a confidence.” (Proverbs 11:13)

“Godly people find life; evil people find death.” (Proverbs 11:19)

No one is really immune from slander and we cannot overcome without the grace of the Lord to stand on. If we want to receive more from God, we should learn to give room for the faults of others even their weaknesses for God did not made us perfect right away when we received Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior. We should learn to bring life even to others which we may think to be undeserving. In this way we are used to bring healing and recovery to those who are despairing of life, those who are hurting and those who need comfort.

“The words of the godly are a life-giving fountain; the words of the wicked conceal violent intentions.” “Hatred stirs up quarrels, but love makes up for all offenses.” “Wise words come from the lips of people with understanding, but those lacking sense will be beaten with a rod." Wise people treasure knowledge, but the babbling of a fool invites disaster.” (Proverbs 10:11-14)

It is also true that we cannot give what we do not have. If we want to build others of life nourishing words, words that bring life instead of death, we must immerse ourselves in the Word of God. If we are being attacked by incessant pool of marauding words, the Word of God remains as our strong tower and house of refuge. There is another truth that is displayed by fishes. Fishes understand that not all their offspring will see the day of maturity. So fishes spawn thousands of egg and each of these swim to the shore and find refuge among mangroves or coral reefs. These larvae are pushed to the shore by the waves along the direction of the current. They would then hide under mangrove roots and in cracks and crevices which will give them protection from predators. These small fishes will remain protected under the refuge of rocks and roots, some of them may die but there would always be plenty which will replace the old stocks. In a way, the roots and crevices are like the Word of God that keeps at bay all the attacks and accusations of the enemy in our lives.

“How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked,
Nor stand in the path of sinners,
Nor sit in the seat of scoffers!
But his delight is in the law of the Lord,
And in His law he meditates day and night.
And he will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water,
Which yields its fruit in its season,
And its leaf does not wither;
And in whatever he does, he prospers.” (Psalms 1:1-3)